So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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