ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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