Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I haven't been this sober since birth.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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