well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
