Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
