So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
