did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
