My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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