I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
