I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
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