My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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