forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
