im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You may now shotgun with the bride
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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