Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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