someone get that fucking seahorse.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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