I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
