New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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