Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
