Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize
