I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I don't deserve a penis
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Floor bacon is actually really good
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
