a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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