Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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