my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
