he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
