i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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