We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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