Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
