Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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