I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
