wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Blood and glitter go together right?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
