What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
