in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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