I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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