Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
