so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
