I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
