dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Sorry about my life...
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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