I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I can't put those talents on a resume
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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