i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
