The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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