I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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