Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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