I cut my penus on the lid.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
