My hand turned me down
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
