I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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