what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
