What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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