how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
