I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
