make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
