so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
