I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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