he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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