gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Randomize
