im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
