between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
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